Regeneration

Regeneration, http://www.bensonfirst.com/, the webpage for Benson First Assembly is now up!!!! Enjoy! :)

Chillin' With Jason Mraz: Winter Wonderland

"Gimme some of that horn section there..."

A Wally World Christmas

I don't love Wal-Mart. Eh. In fact, the way I see it is, if Wal-Mart was an alcoholic drink it would be the equivalent of ripple. This is not a price thing, either. Let's face it, the Farmer's Market would be Boone's Farm Strawberry Wine and they're both kinda fun!

Nah, it's just that I'm a "slow down and enjoy the experience" kind of person and Wal-Mart is a "get in and attempt to get out with your sanity still intact" kind of place. Like I said, EH.

Which is why I found it somewhat ironic two Christmas's ago when I spent every morning for seven days in said temple to stuff the week before Christmas.
Masochist that I am, I had asked my friend, Nick, what was THE ONE, absolute, must have, cool toy I could surprise the children with that year.

"Oh, a Wii," he answered. "Good luck finding one this late, though." To be fair, he did offer to help. And, NO, I wasn't about to pay some ridiculous price on E-Bay. Huh. E-Bay and I do not get along.

That is why I found myself on Monday morning hanging out with some random man to see if a shipment would arrive that day. We stood patiently where the associates in electronics told us to stand until the news came.

Nope.

Tuesday was a different story. Naive ding-dong that I am, I wondered about the crowded aisles, but, HEY, there was no line! My friend from the day before and I stood in the same spot that we had been directed to until...HOLY COW! You would have thought those people were shot from a cannon! Suddenly, as associates came from the back laden with boxes, an aggressive mob converged on the registers! My bewildered friend and I just gawped! Somehow we, who were at the front of what should have been the line, were at the veeeeery back. I'm sure our expressions were priceless! Stunned is an understatement.

And, yes, my friend got the LAST ONE and I got HAD! I thought the associates were going to cry. People, when it comes to shopping in Wal-Mart at Christmas, nice guys really do wind up last. Dang.

So, I mustered my determination and hitched my wobbly chin up and decided I WOULD NOT be deterred.

I was there EVERY DAY. I was FIRST IN LINE. I was ON A MISSION. OK, I was as stubborn as a mule, I admit it.

And a strange and funny thing happened as I waited day after day after day.

I got to know the associates. They got to know me. I got to know my fellow "seekers of the Wii grail". Shoot, the Wal-Mart "walkers" even recognized me!! How the mighty had fallen. I spent a couple of hours every morning in the most detestable location I could imagine to shop and Jesus started whispering in my ear.

"Would you just SHUT-UP?" I would hiss at Him in my mind.

But, nooooo, He whispered and commented on every single person I seemed to come into contact with...

the young, black male associate who had the most beautiful smile and was always friendly.

the older, white female associate who offered to set up chairs while we waited.

the mother of kids who wanted a Wii who told how she had struggled and saved to buy one.

the young man who wanted one for his parents because his mom had had a stroke and he had heard it could be therapeutic.

The list went on.

Great, just great, I thought, because as I got to know my fellow shoppers I realized there was a darn good chance I was going to end up without a Wii after all. Having Jesus' heart can be so hatefully inconvenient! Where was my innate selfishness? Why wasn't my lip curling as it is wont to do upon merely entering Wally World? Honestly! These people used BAD GRAMMAR! No! Deserving of my generosity they were not, I tried to convince myself.

"Love them for me, Jamie," my Beloved whispered as He let me see through His eyes. "Don't we have more than enough love to share?"

So, I loved them. Well, WHAT ELSE COULD I DO???

And when THE BIG DAY finally arrived, I knew, even though I got there at 5 AM!!!, that I would give my Wii away rather than see one of the people I had gotten to know go without. Eh, it was just a thang, people, right?

Needless to say, all the associates laughed to see me come in with my collapsible chair ready to wait it out. They offered me coffee, soda, and breakfast! I'm still not convinced if they admired my tenacity or just found me crazy as a loon.

My stalwart acquaintances slowly trickled in as the hours passed. We laughed and chatted. Some "newbies" even showed up. Yes, Tuesday is electronics delivery day for my hometown Wal-Mart and, obviously, I was the only person who hadn't known THAT the week before! And, YES, I still went everyday, just in case. I earned my place at the front of that line through sheer, stupid, snapping turtle stubbornness. No weenie am I!

My fellow shoppers and I ended up waiting in the Lay-Away section because the line eventually got so long. We carried our chairs into the designated area which we overflowed by quite a few. Our "line" was somewhat lost because of this but there was quite a different reaction this week. Everyone was kind and generous and, most surprising to me, kept announcing to any and everyone who entered, "SHE IS FIRST!" as I blushed.

When the shipment arrived, YES!!!, I couldn't help but be first. My new friends, associates and shoppers alike, MADE SURE the first Wii went into my hands.

I stuck it in my cart and stood by and waited. There wouldn't be another Tuesday before Christmas. This was it.

And, of course, you KNOW what happened, right?

There were SO MANY Wii's that they couldn't even sell them all! MORE THAN ENOUGH! I later heard them announcing over the store's loud speakers that there were Wii's IN STOCK in the electronics department.

Utter complete God craziness.

He's a NUT, I tell you.

Afterward, my fellow shoppers approached me as I stood waiting and watching as they received their Wii's.

We hatched a plan.

Bill after bill of money was stuffed into my hands by these insane people who decided a PIZZA PARTY was in order for the associates in electronics and I was the designated purchaser!!

So, yeah, I did the pizza run thing and got the joy of seeing the surprise and gratitude on the associates' faces. And let's just say, I had been given so much money that ALL OF WAl-MART'S associates had pizza that day. :)

Beloved, as Christmas fast approaches and the crowds and the commercialism and the stress begin to get to you, remember my Wal-Mart thing.

I hate Wal-Mart. I really do.

But when Jesus loves on you really big? Well, someone else is liable to get splashed, aren't they?

That's what it means. Emmanuel: GOD WITH US. IN US. THROUGH US.

Huh.

Retrato

I think this may be the most beautiful song I've ever heard; I feel as if he is singing the words that I write from my heart and share with you.

Retrato ~ Portrait

I’m going to be a magician with a poem here tonight,

I am going to try to compile the heart,

Little by little confessing my diary and way of loving

Today my words only show what I am.

I am as complex as a book of theories

But simple, as if I started speaking about the sun

They say that I am usually a canteen or restaurant singer

And that I’m famous because of a love song.

I cut my hair because I detest combing it

And this tattoo is not a question of look,

I sold toys in the street

I slept on the beach and in the park,

I fell in love with my guitar on a balcony.

I have in a book the words of my mother

And in the memory of my father, a prayer,

They gave me so many good things,

They gave me wings and a thousand tests,

They taught me to always say “please”.

I have a little girl who lights up my day

And a woman who accelerates my heart,

I have defects/shortcomings and virtues

Sometimes I deliver for the clouds

When they speak to me and I don’t pay attention.

Today I undress, without fear, my happy times

And my sad times, I discover them without decency,

Today I keep on being the owner and the proprietor

Of my history and my dreams

And of my Friday nights at The Station. (Where he got his start)

~ Translated by DJW

One In Spirit

¹ "..., Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." 1 Samuel 18:1, NIV.

My extraordinarily generous friend, Lydia, loves others as herself. I wanted to share the gorgeous scarves and earrings she sent for my birthday with you. Aren't they exquisite? Trust me, they are even more beautiful on! :)

Thank you, Lyds, full of joy, for your bold declaration of grace, for your luminous soul, and for your abiding friendship. I love you.

And thank you ALL for your birthday greetings & wishes. I am incredibly blessed to know each of you.

Grace & love.

On Dancing

I sat in my new favorite place recently (http://www.irregardless.com/) enjoying the live music and watching the couples dance. I was sipping port and nibbling on a chocolate white chocolate chip cookie that Ben, my most excellent server, brought me when I expressed my desire for something to go with my port. Understand: I didn't "order" the cookie. My server gifted me with it. (Tell the truth...don't you loooove nice people? Me, too!!) As I looked on, I was struck by the fact that there were two distinct groups of dancers: the older "been dancing together forever" group and the varied "instructors & pupils" group.

I have to tell you, I became fascinated watching these two groups. The instructors were unimaginably great dancers. Perfect carriage, deportment, rhythm...you name it...they had it! YEOW! I hid my two left feet under the table and slid a little lower in my chair just watching. I could feel an inferiority complex burgeoning up within me and I wasn't even on the dance floor!

Their students were nothing to sneeze at either! Although, obviously, not at the execution level of their instructors, these guys and girls had been practicing, you could tell. They constantly changed partners and while they seemed to be enjoying themselves there was a noticeable awareness of their performance, a self consciousness, you could say. And when one couple left the floor in frustration, I later overheard an instructor say, "Don't worry. We'll work on that!"

And then there was the rest. BIG SMILE. These were the couples, Ben told me, who had been coming to dance here for twenty or thirty years! They weren't necessarily dressed to impress. They were most definitely well-past middle aged. And they were couples. You could just TELL. They laughed. They smiled into each others eyes. They were less than picture perfect but THAT DID NOT MATTER. They were there to dance, not to perfect their dancing.

At one point, Ben joined me and we observed the dancers together, commenting on the "couples" and the others. I know this sounds ridiculous, but the differences between the two groups were just so glaringly obvious to me, that I made a game of pointing out which group I thought different people fell into to Ben.

"See the man in the cords and sweater? And his partner? Definitely couple. See the woman getting pointers from the man as they dance? Teacher and student."

"Ah, I see what you mean now. What about that couple?" And so on.

We watched for a moment more as the song drew to a close.

And, of course, then my God moment happened because, suddenly, Ben turned to me and said excitedly, "Did you see THAT?!? They kissed!" and I turned to him and we shared a huge smile and a moment of understanding. You see, that kiss summed up the difference. Love and relationship and familiarity and intimacy were the difference we had been trying to put a name to. Dancing was just an extension of what was ALREADY THERE between the couples who were there to enjoy each other not learn how to put on a lovely performance together.

Maybe when we learn to trust and yield the urge to monitor our every movement will fade.

Maybe we'll forget to worry what others think when we are lost in our partner's eyes.

Maybe dancing, like living, is more enjoyable as a response to love, not as a concentrated effort to perfect our performance.

So, just in case you've never known or maybe you've simply forgotten, I just wanted to remind you, like Jesus did me recently: Dancing is about more than putting your feet right, isn't it?

There She Goes

After four months in Peru, Devon is flying home today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

A Baby Changes Everything

Birdwatching!!

Yes, that's a bald eagle!
Look closely, there are TWO. The second one is below and to the left, partially hidden by the tree.
An incredible sight...
"They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31.

Hitching A Ride

I only had about a gazillion things to do today, of course! But when I saw them getting out of the pick-up truck on the highway, I kinda knew I might not get a fast start on my day. Sure enough, they began to try to flag drivers down as they walked along the shoulder. I drove by, turned around at the next driveway and went back, slowing as I approached them..."Could you give us a ride?" "Sure," I smiled and in they crawled. The town they wanted was one town over but it was no big deal. Actually, they wanted to go across the river from that town but still...work would wait, right?

One was blonde, one brunette, and I would say they were in their early 20's. Whenever I pick up a girl, I can't help but remember the day I was the one walking the shoulder, feeling lost and alone, and someone was kind to me. I love random kindness.

They immediately began to thank me and then launched into apologies for the bother. "No problem," I said. Then they broke my heart. The blonde apologized by saying, "I know we smell like cigarettes because we smoke and I'm sorry because you smell so good and..." My heart cracked. It was just that simple. Why do people feel the need to apologize for being themselves? Maybe because most of us are so used to being judged? I explained that they were fine and no apologies were necessary. But they continued. They apologized for needing a ride, for making me late for work. I shrugged and said it was really no big deal; I was happy to do it. Then came THE QUESTION.

"Are you a Christian?"

I always cringe at this point.

"Not your typical one," I said with self-deprecation.

That caught the blonde off guard. "Don't you go to church?" she queried.

"I do, but I like to think I'm not legalistic," I answered with a grin.

"It's about GRACE," the brunette chimed in from the back.

I immediately turned and shook her hand and said, "YES! It's about GRACE!"

"I read that book," she said. And I KNEW, I JUST KNEW what was coming. "The one by that Mc...guy." "Steve McVey?" I asked. "I know him!" I laughed.

And then she started to cry. And she cried as she told me how the grace message had CHANGED HER LIFE. How for the first time she understood that God loved and accepted her unconditionally. How she had grown up churched but that hearing grace had set her free. And she kept saying through her tears, "I just can't believe this! This is God!" And I just grinned because of course it was.

I let them out on a street they asked me not to drive down in a not so great part of town. I handed them some cash and told them where they could find me if they ever needed help. They were crying as I drove away.

Scotty used to say, "You won't be around me and not be changed." The more I understand grace, the more I'm pretty sure I know what he meant. You won't be around the CHRIST in me and not be changed.

See, I don't have to save or judge the world.

I just get to love them.

And, yeah, that is God.

"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again." John 3:16-17.


Oh! this song is grooooovy!!! :)

What Love Looks Like To Me

What does love look like? It looks like taking a chance, risking your heart, and choosing to give of yourself. It looks like Matt & me, of course.

One year ago...

What does love look like? What does the bush experience when it is being consumed by the fire? How does it feel to walk on water? To raise the dead? Heal the sick? To be poured out and yet never run dry? Just how much of Christ can we give? Will we run out? Will we go lacking? Will the storehouses of Heaven be emptied if we love too much? Can we love too much? WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE?

I want to know.

I want to love until I am at the end of me and He begins and then I want to see what His love can do.

I want to live without boundaries, fears, insecurities, and hesitation.

I want to be so well loved that what you mistake for me is really my Lover because we are never apart.

I want to come out of the wilderness leaning on my Lover and start living life from that perspective. Totally recumbent on a Love that will not and cannot fail.

I want to live from the position of the Beloved of God. I want to know what it feels like to sit under an unfailing banner and recline on my Husband's breast and from THAT PLACE, while He and I are laughing into each others' eyes, I want to turn and invite EVERYONE to join us.

I want to never leave the bedchamber. I want to wear the flush of passion and stay pregnant with the evidence of my marriage. I want Christ to birth in me and through me His Life for the world to behold.

I don't want to touch people for Jesus. I want to touch Jesus and let people see.

I don't have a work to do; I am the evidence of Jesus' Finished Work and He wants to show me off. Not because of my goodness, faithfulness, or love. Because of His.

What does love look like? I don't know. But I think we are going to find out. Matthew and I are going to find out. WE ARE THE BELOVED OF GOD....

Lucy & Linus

Has it been a YEAR since we first met Matt??? Good grief! I'm giving myself an early birthday gift: Lunch with Boo. I'll love him up real good for y'all!!! :)

It's A Girl!

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

~Walt Whitman

from "Intimations of Immortality"

Just in case you didn't see the announcement on Facebook, Julie of Voice of Grace has had her baby. Baby Amilia has arrived! Congratulations, Jul, Aaron, & family! What a wonderful, marvelous blessing!

On Being Real

My sister celebrated her birthday yesterday.

I gave her a Malibu Barbie...

to replace the one I bit the nose off of when we were kids. (Just the tip!) :)

Barbie is still looking good at her age, I must say.

Of course, that's easy when you're plastic, isn't it?

I'm not absolutely sure, but I'm fairly certain, that MATTEL is not stamped on my butt.

I secretly think some people's say CHRISTIAN, though.

What about you?

Alive Again

For YOU, my friend, with love, Jamie

Gracing Others

I used
to count the cost
'til I
reckoned my life lost
Now in
You I breathe
and live
and Your
love
I freely give.